Life is full of changes, some good, some bad, some that happen, some that require a leap, whether it’s a push or voluntary.
Change of the forcible kind hit me last week when the world jolted off its reassuring axis and crashed.
I have a fantastic blue-sky pendant made by a local silversmith-artisan-beautiful-person that is stamped on the back: “Freedom lies in being bold.” I bought it last year after looking at it and thinking about it, right before my trip to Montana, during which I crammed in two drive-throughs of America’s oldest national park and a friend’s wedding in one of the perfect places on Earth and my PZP training.
I wear it to try to be bold … wishing I could be as bold as it suggests. Knowing I fall well short of the mark. I wear it for courage, to take in the power of sunshine in the heavens … and I needed every ounce last week. His was more than mine.
I simply cannot – and so often don’t try to – express my gratitude enough that so many people love and enjoy the mustangs of Spring Creek Basin. Through ups and downs, amazement and sorrow, pain and frustration and the greatest joy I’ve ever known, I am grateful to all of you for coming along on this journey with me. For those of you I’ve met, for those of you I’ve met only through comments and emails, for those of you I’ve never met but have met the horses, fallen for them, tumbled head over heels for these incredible beings that live so simply, that have stirred the national conscience about what’s right and wrong with how we treat animals, each other, all our neighbors on this big blue round rocket in the infinite every-sphere we call home.
I am a loner. Pure and simple, I am the lonest of lone wolves. After almost four years of visiting the horses almost weekly, I finally realized one day this spring during a peaceful pleasant daydreaming hill-time with Alegre’s family (before Aurora’s arrival) that I think of myself as neither lonely NOR alone (“alone but not lonely”). I mean, duh. I’m with the horses.
But I love sharing them. With people. With YOU. Whether I know you or not, that you know the horses brings me the most incredible joy. When I’m not ranting (to myself) about the ills and craziness of the world (Norwegian dude goes and bombs people, then spends an hour and a half shooting people – KIDS?! – while dressed as a cop?!), near and far, I am thinking about how to share the beauty of their world, them, the beauty of a particular place and beings in the world that I have come to know so well, want everyone to love as much as I do.
Sometimes, bad, horrible, awful, hurtful things just happen. No one is at fault, the world won’t end, most of the world won’t even know about it. But he was here and real and living and breathing and traveling and touching my life (heart, with his, huge) and that of others and beautiful and doing what he did, and he is gone, and though my heart has shattered (again), it is already healing with the help of what is left behind – those he knew and who knew him – and thought of him: loved.
Not yet … not yet …
I am an independent sort, and one of my biggest frustrations in this life is the need to rely on others for certain things – things that rarely get done as well as I think I could do them – if I could. Physically? No. The “yes you may” kind of being able to do what needs to be done. Permission. Allowance.
Because that’s the way of it.
It comes full circle in waiting for bureaucracy.
But sometimes, even in the most bureaucratic of bureaucracies, things get done because they must – because to do the thing is the right thing to do. I witnessed that last week, and it gave – gives – me hope.
Remember that when I found Hook’s band without Ember’s new foal – Indy – Twister also was missing? I thought he’d turn up. I thought he’d be with the youngsters or with Duke or maybe Sundance. I thought he’d be fine.
He did turn up. He wasn’t fine.
He was way up the hill above Wildcat Spring – near the place where I first visited with Indy – and he was hurt. Badly, horribly, no-turning-back hurt. He had lost a lot of weight. I don’t know when he’d had his last drink of water.
Some would tolerate that suffering. Some would not, and they came in the morning and freed a beautiful wild soul in the last – best – compassionate act they could perform for him. For that, they have my eternal gratitude.
Sometimes, you do need someone else, who not only has permission but ability – and the compassion to do what must be done – and well.
I know this has been a rambling post, off-kilter with things seemingly unconnected. I could have listed the things I knew about Twister – orphan, maybe a sire, probably a brother, definitely a son, a young stallion looking for his own family. A fuzzy little odd-colored colt with a wonky knee who adored a filly named Two Boots who took his son/brother under his wing and who grew into a silver reflection of our great stallion Traveler.
But that’s only what I knew. He was so much more. They all are. And that’s why we fight for them – for what we k-n-o-w, for all that we don’t know anything at all.
Now he’s always free. Always home. Always with us. Always ours.
And for what we knew, I’ll keep bringing you the stories I know, theirs to share with the greater world, so we know a little more beauty, to counter a little more of the hell we read about every day.
Twister with Corazon and Cinch
Twister & Corazon & Cinch
Twister (far right) with Two Boots, Houdini & Seven
Grey (right), Houdini, Twister & Two Boots
Twister & Two Boots
Grey, Twister, Two Boots, Houdini
Twister & Two Boots
Twister & Two Boots
Twister, Grey, Houdini, Jif
Jif, Two Boots, Twister, Iya & Houdini
Iya, Two Boots & Twister
Jif, Twister & Grey
Twister & Iya
Twister & Two Boots
Jif & Twister
Grey & Twister
Iya & Twister
Houdini, Iya, Jif, Two Boots & Twister
Twister & Iya
Grey & Twister
Twister & Two Boots
Twister
Twister, Cuatro, Two Boots
Twister & Two Boots with Cuatro
Bounce, Hook & Twister
Twister & Hook
Twister & Storm
Cinch & Twister
Bruiser & Twister
Cinch, Bruiser & Twister
Twister
Twister & Cuatro
Cuatro & Twister
Sundance, Twister & Aspen
Twister, Cuatro & Duke
Twister
Twister, Cuatro & Bruiser
Cuatro & Twister
Twister
Cuatro & Twister
Twister
Twister & Duke
Twister & Cuatro
Twister & Cuatro
Twister & Cuatro
Twister & Storm
Twister & Storm
Twister, far left, with Hook's band
Twister
Twister
Fly now with angels …
Spring Creek Basin Mustangs 
aww I am so sorry to hear this. RIP Twister. What did he hurt? and did you ever find little Indy?
TJ, I am so sorry. Your words are boldly heartfelt and poignant, touching all of our emotions. I love this quote about freedom , “Freedom has its life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed – else like a flower cut from its life-giving roots, it will wither and die. “ ~Dwight D. Eisenhower
Twister was able to live his life as a free- roaming, living, breathing wild horse in a most magnificent place. He was an American Icon loved and adored by humans he didn’t know. Tragedy is the thorny aspect of this lovely flower of freedom as is the sometimes hash existence.
As a wild horse girl myself, I value my own freedom over most things. I would rather have five minutes of something wonderful than a lifetime of nothing. Twister had this, and then he had you to boldly tell his enchanting story. My heart is with you as I feel the warm Colorado breeze in my memories of Spring Creek and Twister playing across the land.
TJ, I am so sorry about Twister. Life is sometimes so cruel. Keep you faith and thank you for posting all the pictures to remember him by.
It’s hard for anyone to type through tears. In this sad time, doubly hard for you. As for ramblings … they are and will continue to be cleansing for me.
I never met Twister, but have followed his life through your wonderful words and images. A unique and amazing life, like those of all wild horses. I consider this not so much an account of his passing, but a celebration of his time on earth.
Bless Twister for bringing joy to you and all of us, and bless you for being there when he needed you most.
And please thank the two gentlemen from the BLM for their compassion.
RIP Twister. Nicely done post TJ.
He was such a sweetheart. I miss him already. He looks so healthy in the pictures it’s hard to believe he’s gone.
Broken left front leg. Never did find Indy. I thought he might be around the area … but to tell you the truth, it was all I could do to see my feet in front of me as I left Twister both times.
Tami – love that quote …
Thank you all for your thoughts … I know he will live on through all the horses of Spring Creek Basin … and through all of us who knew him.
Oh no, thanks for sharing what happend. I wonder what caused it. Poor guy. It is a god send you did find him then and end the pain. That was a very touching, heart felt post about him and thanks for sharing your life with these guys with us and putting your heart out in the open.
TJ,
I’m so glad you thought to put on the photos of Twister growing up with all his friends. What a wonderfu tribute to him and to the family circle they create together. What companionship they are for each other. I can’t tell you how much this meant to me to see all these photos of him from darling foal to magnificent stallion. Thank you for the memories. Karen
I’m also sad about the Pryor’s loss of Admiral and his son to a stupid drunk driver. Four wonderful horses are gone and very much missed. I ache for all of them and their sweet people.
Yes … and now the tragedy of Admiral and his son Kapitan. http://pryorwild.wordpress.com/
Admiral’s father, Sam, was the first wild horse I ever saw and what an impression he made! Then after Sam died last year, it was so reassuring to Admiral there to take his father’s place as the greeter on the Dry Head side of the range. I also saw his new son, Climbs High/Kapitan, and felt reassured that Sam’s legacy lived on. The cars on that highway have always bothered me–too fast and too careless. It’s the access to campgrounds and boat slips for the Big Horn. Not only are there wild horses there, but also often bighorn sheep. A tragedy oftentimes is the only way to open eyes to the danger of speed and drink around wildlife.
If you want to help make a difference in the area will you pleas sign this petition?
http://www.change.org/petitions/billings-blm-field-office-make-sure-information-is-put-in-dryhead-about-how-to-view-the-wild-horses
[…] loss of a beloved young stallion. TJ Holmes has a touching post to Twister that can be read here: https://springcreekwild.wordpress.com/2011/07/25/thoughts/ A shy, young Twister (2nd from left) in […]
What a wonderful heartfelt post. Thank you, TJ. Bless these beautiful creatures.
Thanks for the photo tribute. At least you were able to see that he didn’t suffer any more. He will always be remembered.
Dear TJ, I am so sorry for your loss. The photos are beautiful and Twister developed into a handsome young stallion. Without you, we would never have come to know him. Thank you so much for sharing.him with us.
Thank you all for recognizing Twister … it means the world. It’s devastating to learn, then, what happened to Admiral and Kapitan … Like everyone, I have only the most wonderful memories of them as the greeting crew.
I am very sad and tearful this morning reading and seeing the wonderful pics of Twister. How sad and just like life to have this happen at this time. I love that you care for these horses.
I am so heart broken at this news. Ill always remember the times I got to sit and photograph Cinch. Such a beautiful free spirit. You’ll always be in my heart.
DisRegard comment. Someone said it was cinch on facebook. Either way its a sad loss.
I am so sorry to hear about this sad loss. I am not sure if he was in the group I got to see last summer or not. But his beauty will remain eternal.